having lived alone for more than two months since my former housemates went back to their home countries, finally I have no one to rely on for my dinner. Its not that I cannot cook, as I always tell my friends/boyfriend/ family so, I just don't want to cook for the others. I am not selfish. But I am a person who really cares about criticism and I dread having people disappointed about me/ my food. Of course they would not tell you how bad the dish was in a direct way. But speaking in an indirect way hurts as bad as telling the truth. I prefer not having the fear of being a disappointment as a cook and giving myself the pressure of false perfectionism. The difference between a real perfectionist and me is that I will not try to make it perfect. I will only go straight to moaning about my imperfection. So I have a good reason not to cook.
However, I do like cooking. It is interesting (when I am not starving). Plus cooking is an absolutely enjoyable way to kill your time. It resembles the process of crafting. As if salt and pepper is your colour paint... the final product is totally dependent on you, made by your own hands. The critics can be subjective but there are general rules about what is bad and what is good. The display is an art form. The colours always matter. The smell, the look... they stimulate your senses to create preferences.
as my cooking skill... well, I am getting on it. At least, right now I am good enough for myself.
x
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